5 Practices to help get out of the comparison trap

If you’re human, (and I’m guessing you are!) you probably have times when you struggle with feelings of envy, jealousy, and inadequacy. We all find ourselves falling into the comparison trap and it can be hard to find a way out.

Picture the following:

You’re sipping your morning coffee, makeup-free and still in your jammies. As you pick up your phone and start scrolling through social media, you catch a friend's post with recent pictures of the half-marathon she ran over the weekend and jeez, she looks amazing! You feel pinpricks of envy as you put your phone down.

That afternoon you’re shopping at Trader Joe’s and you run into another friend. As you're catching up on life, the topic turns to dinner plans. She's got homemade lasagna, garlic bread, and salad prepped and ready to go while you have...absolutely nothing. Feelings of inadequacy start to bubble up.

In the Trader Joe's parking lot, as you’re loading your groceries into your trunk, you get a text from your cousin who is vacationing in Thailand. She sends pictures of her latest adventures and it looks like she's having the time of her life. You swallow the jealousy that starts to surface as you mentally calculate the last time you went anywhere. You let out a sigh and wonder when your life became so boring.

In your real life, can you relate to any of these feelings of envy, jealousy, and inadequacy?

Are you stuck in the comparison trap?

We ALL get stuck sometimes.

Even the women who run half-marathons, always have dinner figured out, and travel to Thailand.

Yep, even those women.

The people who look fresh, organized, energetic, and flawless don't get a free pass.

They get stuck too.

The thing is, at least on some level, we know this.

We know that everyone, at some time in their life, gets stuck in the comparison trap.

The problem is that it’s easy to forget.

It’s easy to forget that we’re not the only ones who struggle with feelings of inadequacy and scarcity. 

But there’s good news! The good news is that there are actually a handful of things we can do to help us get out of the comparison trap.

The following are practices that help me when I find myself stuck and struggling to get out of the comparison trap. The more consistently and mindfully I practice them, the more peaceful and confident I feel.

Want to know more?

Here are 5 practices to help get out of the comparison trap:

1. Limit social media use

I know, I know.

This one can feel super tough, especially at first.

I can already picture the panic and hear the pushback.

But I have to use social media for work!

Social media is how I stay in touch with my friends and family!

I need to make sure I stay up to date on what's going on in the world!

If you’re feeling any of this, allow me to address these feelings realistically.

I'm not suggesting you completely eliminate social media, (unless of course, you have the desire and are in a position to be able to). But if you are planning to continue using social media, it's time to put some parameters on how frequently you use it.

First, get crystal clear about how much time you spend daily on any form of social media. It can be helpful and truly eye-opening to track your use for a few days.

If you check your phone first thing in the morning, consider postponing this until a little later on. You may even want to designate a specific time of day as your screen start time. You can set a timer on your phone - easy peasy and no excuses!

At night, try keeping your phone out of reach. It's so easy to "just check one more thing!" before going to bed, only to wind up mindlessly scrolling for the next hour.

An important first step in helping you get out of the comparison trap is to limit your social media use.

2. Be selective about who you follow on social media

With so much information coming at us all the time, it’s normal to feel like we have no control over who and what influences us.

But this isn’t true!

We are the ones who control who we choose to follow on social media.

Yep, we are the boss of us!

Even when we follow accounts that are generally positive, we might find ourselves feeling jealous, insecure, and bummed out after scrolling through content.

The trick here is to pay attention to how you feel after consuming content.

If you find yourself feeling icky, consider switching your settings and notifications so that your marathon running, gourmet cooking, and world-traveling friends aren't the ones popping up in your feed all the time.

This doesn’t mean you don’t care about these people. You can still want all the best for someone and at the same time choose not to immerse yourself in the parts of their lives that send you straight into comparison mode.

YOU have the power of choice.

Think of your connection to social media like you would a curator at an art museum. You are the curator and your social media choices are the collections in your art museum.

Curate an environment that feels positive, accepting, and hospitable for yourself.

Be selective about who you choose to follow on social media to get yourself out of the comparison trap.

3. Write down ONE thing every day that you are grateful for

If you’re rolling your eyes right now and thinking, ugh, she better not suggest a gratitude journal, I urge you to stick with me.

I know that gratitude journals have become trendy in recent years and anything that becomes trendy can start to feel overused, cliche, and ineffective.

But following this simple practice can result in powerful changes in perspective.

I promise!

Now, I know people who write down three things they are grateful for every day.

This is a beautiful practice and I've tried it myself in the past.

But guess what?

Sometimes I have super rough days where it's really hard to come up with three whole things.

So I decided to modify this practice of gratitude from noting three things to one thing that I am grateful for.

Every night, before I go to bed, I write down ONE thing that I am grateful for. It can be as simple as my morning cup of coffee or as rare as seeing a double rainbow.

The point is simply to identify ONE thing to be grateful for.

This is a powerful exercise to improve the ability to notice details and small joys in our lives. In turn, it helps us avoid the dreaded comparison trap.

Begin a daily gratitude practice, recognizing ONE thing that you are grateful for.

4. Reflect on a few amazing past experiences

Take a few minutes and think back to some of the most amazing experiences you've had in your life.

It doesn't matter what events come to mind. The events themselves can be big or small. What matters is that they were special events to you and that they've created lingering cherished memories for you.

You may even want to look through some pictures of these experiences.

Recognize your good fortune in having these events as part of your life's journey. Allow yourself to fill up with gratitude at the simple abundance you've had the privilege of experiencing.

It’s hard to stay stuck in comparison when we take some time to reflect on some of our past amazing experiences.

5. Be generous with compliments

Let's be honest. It can be hard to give someone a compliment when we're feeling jealous and insecure.

When we notice that someone in our life has an unexpected talent, a valuable skill set, or some other desirable trait, our first reaction isn't necessarily admiration.

Nope.

It's jealousy.

It's alright, we’re mature enough where we can admit it.

And it’s not that we don't want the absolute best for those around us, it's just that we want the absolute best for them as well as for ourselves!

Right!?!

A few years ago, after an experience that brought out all of my insecurities and left me feeling bitter, I made a promise to myself. I promised that anytime I had a positive thought about a person, I would share it with them.

I didn’t want any negative feelings I was having to impact the way I wanted to show up in the world. And the way I want to show up is with joy, compassion, and generosity.

Whether it's a person's appearance, skill set, talent, or personality trait, I am generous with my compliments when they are authentic and heartfelt.

Guess what happens when I do this consistently?

Any possible jealousy starts to dissipate.

Seriously, it’s really quite remarkable to experience.

I've learned that the more generous I am, the more generous I feel.

And I'd honestly, REALLY love the same thing for you!

So whenever possible, be generous with your compliments.

To recap, here are 5 practices to help get out of the comparison trap:

1. Limit social media use

2. Be selective about who you follow on social media

3. Write down one thing that you are grateful for every day

4. Reflect on a few amazing past experiences

5. Be generous with compliments

Remember, we all get stuck in the comparison trap from time to time. But these simple practices will help you move from a place of scarcity to a place of abundance.

If you’d like help with getting out of the comparison trap, coaching is ideal! Let’s connect for a complimentary 20-minute consultation and see if coaching is right for you. There’s never any pressure or obligation, just a great way for us to connect!

Click here to schedule your coaching consultation call today!